i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
