8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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