I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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