I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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