dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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