if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
