you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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