So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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