I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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