marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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