just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
