jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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