i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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