those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
