Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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