Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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