Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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