Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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