no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
