and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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