you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
