You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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