i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
