wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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