I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
