How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
