I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
