Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
