I wish I could teleport
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
