It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
