i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't deserve a penis
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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