I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
