And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
