he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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