The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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