the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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