i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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