Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
