Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
