all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
