Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
