He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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