Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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