Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
