Apparently you make a good broom.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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