the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This baby is an asshole
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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