Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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