This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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