Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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