Apparently you make a good broom.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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