I wish I could teleport
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
this just has baby written all over it
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
