he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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