If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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