for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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