Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
