I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
