woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
