i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
