Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
