dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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