I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
