Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
