I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
FUCK WHALES
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
