CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
