I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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