She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
