I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
